My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
