Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
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