woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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