you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
