May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
