Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
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First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
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Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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