god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
