so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
