You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
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