If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
