i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
