I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
try to milk me bitch
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