I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
