That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
