We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
