ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
It's blow job season.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
