My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
