The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
