I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
