God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
