Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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