They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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