even my farts smell like vagina
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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