What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
