Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
