Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
