yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
