I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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