OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Randomize
