Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Randomize
