You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
