Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
