dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Your mouth is God's brothel.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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