I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
