Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
