just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
