I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
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