The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
