i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
zippers are such a cool invention
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
