At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
