i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
