9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
