is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
