last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
