i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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