Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
