My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
