I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Randomize