I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
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