Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
We named our party play list daddy issues
operation harelip BJ is a go
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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