Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
