I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
