If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
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