Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
