Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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