Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
