omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
