Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
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