census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
