if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
