I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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