Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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