Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
