I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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