the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
