as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
