After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Randomize
