so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
we're making bets on your personal life
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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