I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
