I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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