I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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