Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.