All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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