I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
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I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
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Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
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Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?