im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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