I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
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My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
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just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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