Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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