5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
