I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
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with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
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I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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